omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love accidental penises.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
