Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
