i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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