No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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