Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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