At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
