I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
