Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
