just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
