She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
