WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
