Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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