if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have fence marks all over my body
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
