8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
