it was like eating out sand paper
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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