Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
