Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize