I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
