Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
