he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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