just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i think i just lost a toe
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
