doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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