The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
