were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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