Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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