ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
