Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
