yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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