I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
