So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
