i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
