I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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