Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
