I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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