maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
