so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
