I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
