Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
