if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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