Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
