im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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