Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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