i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
