I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
