I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Houston, we have a squirter
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
