I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You can't special order awesome
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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