Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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