her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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