Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
