She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I could fuck to npr.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
