woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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