I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
