yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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