I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
