your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
