i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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