dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She bit a glass in half.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
