Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
