i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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