Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
