Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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