Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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