Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i drank out of a bidet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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