Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
