Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
