Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
