i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
