i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
