God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
