The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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