that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
