Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
